I used to think, this is not how I would spend my life. Running around, chasing something which I may or may not want, oppressing myself with day to day grinds, living almost the same day, almost the same place over and over again and calling it life.
Long back, when I was young and stupid, I used to think this life is not for me. But, reading a letter I perhaps wrote in 2012 when I started my career, I realize, I am already living the kind of life I was kind of trying to consciously avoid.
Don't get me wrong, it is not that I am not happy. Perhaps I am. Perhaps I am supposed to be. I have a good job, pays well, I live in the IT capital of the country and I have some skills that can continue to fetch me fairly good life.
But then, in spite of all that, when I look back at myself; what I used to be 6 years back, I feel this is not what I wanted. I don't know what I did want but I had told myself that I would do something different. I know I am way off.
May be that guy at that age did not really understand what to expect from himself or may be I got it all wrong and haven't yet figured out and learnt how to live. Yes, it is possible. There was no lecture on how to live, in my school, college or even my post graduate certificate course. No one really told me because may be there is no single way. Even having a framework around it would have helped but nah, nothing.
Anyway, let me put on my PM hat now. Yes, we have a problem, but if we really try to put this in the AIPMM new product development framework, we should be able to arrive at a product that should be able to help. I think I need to focus on the problem more.
Why exactly people like me think that they wanted a different life. If I dig deeper I think I can say that because when one is young, the intensity of hopes and ambitions are high. What one can achieve in life is at Level 8 and one himself is sitting at Level 0. Sure, being at Level 8 sounds so much fun but reaching there has a different path.
The path that is difficult, full of rejections and failure and if you look at it, it never looks anything remotely like Level 8. Hence everyone gets deceived and thinks this cannot be it. This can never be the path to where I want to go. Everyone then looks at the path that looks amazing at the moment, we are unable to look ahead and see where this beautiful looking path is going to take us.
We start walking on that path and after a while perhaps, we realize, Oh, this is certianly not going to take me to Level 8. We panic, we try to look for other paths. The cycle repeats and then yet again we look for another path and so on.
Before you know it, you are done with 5-6 years and you are happy but you are nowhere near to Level 8.
Now, you may ask yourself, do you still want to go to Level 8, because the path is still dirty and difficult or you would rather stay on the path that you currently are on, which by the way is very comfortable?
Everyone has these choices. And most people fantasize about Level 8 but do not prefer to go down that atrocious looking path, they would rather stay on their comfortable Levels.
What would I do? I don't know. I am scared of losing my current level in pursuit of Level 8 that I may or may not achieve.
I may change my mind. Well, we will see.